Sunday, April 17, 2011

Mind Games... Wanna join?


Please pardon my absence. In the past 3 weeks I have experienced so many emotions, events, changes, ups, downs, highs and lows. If I had been keeping up on my postings you probably could have diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder. So now that I have giving you fair warning here we go...

Let's start with the downs, lows, angry, sad, etc...
First: An issue I have had with my shoulder was finally looked at. I was "unofficially" diagnosed with a partial dislocation that is developing into frozen shoulder. And 2 weeks into therapeutic treatments there are no improvements, if not made things worse. Along with that diagnosis came a NO BODY WEIGHT EXERCISES until it is resolved! Argh, I am lost without my burpees, push ups, pull ups. I was so excited by the new definition of my arms and how I felt all over. With 2 weeks off from these moves alone I feel like I am at square one. (A very good lesson of how these style of moves if a full body workout) This attention to a weakness I have has been very depressing, it took the wind out of my sails. Also psychologically I was doing just fine until it was actually defined as something and now I notice the pain and lack of range more then ever... I am trying to remain positive and keep going on my exercises with just more focus on legs and cardio but it is not the same.
Normal and healthy

No Bueno
 Second: I have made so many GREAT changes to my diet. I am eating from the earth, no sugar, flour or processing, eating a nutrient rich breakfast, less coffee, a lot of organic, more green tea and water, and NO CHEESE! During the weekend I allow a window of time for  myself to enjoy foods and drinks I don't during the week. This has been going strong for a month and I feel proud of my strength and will power especially as we're are transitioning into a more social season. My expectation was that I would begin to notice great things because this is the first time I have included diet changes in my effort but... NOPE!!! I don't f-ing get it! Now my struggle is to not give up, throw in the towel and hit that slippery slop of my choices won't matter...
I am remaining strong with these conclusions: What would I feel like if I wouldn't have changed?, Maybe I just need to be more patient?, Possibly I was much more out of shape then I thought?

There have also been some very tragic events and other lame stuff that have happened to the person I love so much... Kenny is a trooper and is in good spirits but I am his support system and he doesn't need to hear about my ho hums that dwarf in comparison to what he has gone through this last month!  

Now on to happier thoughts and the silver lining...
#1- I am not quitting. These new habits I have started feel good psychologically and physically! I appreciate all of the benefits this journey is have on my life, I feel more positive and that I am experiencing life's events with a better attitude. 

#2- I have AMAZING family, friends and my Kenny. All of the people that choose to share their life with me bring me joy, laughter, happiness and memories that I feel incredibly blessed and spoiled to have on a daily basis. The support they give me provides me the courage to live my life to the fullest and without fears. 

#3- I am thankful to be in this mess with a friend! Fawne and I have bonded over a lot of sweat and laughter. We have a great balancing act going, it seems like we are mostly in sync but when one of us is in a funk the other is the strength and motivation to keep it going. Fawne is going to Mexico soon and this shoulder crap is gonna need to be put on the back burner so we can have her feeling bikini sexy in a couple weeks!

As for now...
I am going to sign off. I am looking forward to Monday and having this week be productive and regenerating. I also need to spend more time here, keeping my blog up to date helps to keep me in the moment and a more regular reminder of all the things that are GREAT in my life. Thank you for being there for me! xoxo Ashlee



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